This post, our boss’s lack of self-esteem drives us crazy, interviewing when you can be very picky, and more, was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

It’s four answers to four questions. Now we go…

1. Our boss’s lack of self-esteem is driving us crazy

My supervisor has the self-esteem of a 90′ s emo kid, and it is driving our squad crazy. To compensate for his issues, he is constantly saying bad things about himself but then follows this up with inappropriate comparisons of himself to other colleagues, are in place to applied them down so he gazes better at their expense. There is then an unspoken promise/ push put one over us to affirm to him what a great person and overseer he is. I don’t buy into that game but some of my teammates have is doing so sometimes because they feel sorry for the chap and want him to just be quiet, be done away with, and cause us get back to work. We have enough to worry about without feeling like we are responsible for managing his self -worth.

The problem is, he’s gotten worse and started trying to drag us further into this sick dynamic by arrange down his other squads as a space to “praise” us. We are all very uncomfortable with this, and we made an agreement recently to instantly ask him to stop as a team the next time this happened. So the time came this past week, and we acquired it clearly stated to him that we don’t want him saying bad things about our colleagues on different teams to us, and we don’t want to hear about our conduct as a analogy ever. We told him to instantly tell us what he likes and leave other parties/ crews out of it. In response, he prevented trying to talk trash another unit, and I had to become very forceful to determine him stop. He then said that this is how our chairman thinks so we needed to get used to it. I told him I didn’t care if the lead did that or not, that this was a boundary we were setting and he was to respect it.

He sat there like a whipped puppy for a bit and then accompanied over to a young girl member of our team and informed her, “Well, at least you don’t inspect tired today looks just like you did yesterday.” Another team member and I questioned why he would say this to her and get him to leave- but there it was, yet again him having to put someone down to stir himself feel better.

I’d report him, but there’s too much hazard. I’m working on a plan to get out, which suctions because I otherwise love my job and my teammates. I can’t leave immediately though. Any advice on how to deal with this guy until I can get out?

It sounds like you’re all doing incredibly well at dealing here with him — you’ve clearly and firmly territory your bounds, and then when he tried a new style of violating them, you called him on it again. A heap of crews wouldn’t feel pleasant doing that( sometimes for good reason, given the power dynamics) but you and your coworkers did it successfully.

It’ll be interesting to see whether the theme fastens and how he responds to it over the long-term: does he actually stop the trash-talk and progressing well, or fall back into it, or — importantly — does he become a worse director to you in brand-new and different ways( possibly driven by resentment over being announced out )? Right now though, you and your crew teammates are in a position of power — you’ve taken together as a group to draw a clear and reasonable border and you’ve shown you will be assertive when your manager meets pipelines. Unless something reforms hugely( like if he becomes resentful or hostile in ways that are important ), obstruct doing that! If he starts putting people down again, say, “Fred, you know we don’t want to hear that.” Say it breezily and immediately reform the subject. And if you have any mechanism for passing feedback to the management above him and trust them to manage it well, consider doing it — this person sounds like a drag on your crew in the exact opposite way of what he’s “ve been meaning to” do.

2. My hires half-assed the hiring process for promotions

In November I was promoted to supervisor of my district after my previous bos retired. Several days ago, we learned that he had put in for promotions for a couple of staff working in our lowest claims and that the claims were announced. However, for rationalizations unknown( government agency) they affixed the claims outside of our site as well, making I now had seven entrants for the two places. My two staff are young men in their twenties who have fought in its own position but whom my previous superintendent was mentoring, hence the promotions.

Here’s where my trouble is: these two people filled out their paperwork as if they expected the job to be handed to them. One did not do an employment at all. One did, but scarcely replenished it out, he didn’t even check if he was a U.S. citizen! And the interviews — just answering questions. The outside beings requesting are obviously so much better I have to hire them. But then what do I do with my staff?( Government job, recollect .)

Use it as an opportunity to coach them on what’s expected when they’re applying for advertisements! Talk to them about why they weren’t competitive with other nominees so that they know why they weren’t selected and are better prepared next time.

One caveat: Is there any luck their previous director told them this process was just to rubber-stamp publicities for them? That wouldn’t excuse scarcely answering questions in the interrogations, but you’d want to account for it in your messaging if so.( And you might point out that even if you’re told you can half-ass a hiring process, it’s a good thought to settle some struggle into being superb regardles; you never know who you might end up vie against .)

3. How to set hopes in an interrogation process where I can be very picky

I left the workforce/ my industry in June of 2020 because my husband’s business was growing rapidly and our household gained much more financially with me facilitating him than staying at my job. When I left, a few cases patrons followed me and I set up a small LLC so I could continue to service them on the side( “they dont have” non-compete rider with my supervisor, I left amicably and they knew the clients were following me ).

Since then, I’ve added a few patrons by word of mouth, but I haven’t done anything to grocery myself or solicit brand-new run. I have, nonetheless, received several inquiries and invites from recruiters and HR reps looking to hire. Nothing has really caught my seeing until recently. A unique and somewhat niche position has been created at a local corporation and they have been struggling to fill it. Someone at the company situated my chart via LinkedIn and contacted out to chat. The entitle went well, was very introductory, and a follow-up call with another being is in the works.

As I progress through this process, how do I position clear anticipations without voicing involving or naive? With my present situation, I can commit to no more than 30 hours a week and need planned opennes and predominantly remote manipulate. I likewise am making a very good hourly pace with my own client base, even though the work is not high in capacity at all, and it wouldn’t make sense for me to accept a position at lower compensation positions. I am fully aware this arrangement will not work for most employers and that I’m basically craving the most wonderful of all options, but it’s all I can offer at this time. I am ordained that my husband’s business and my own client basi has created the opportunity where me operating is a choice and not a necessity. However, I don’t want to communicate anything in a manner that was that reverberates unreasonable or selfish. I certainly think it’s in everyone’s best interest to not accept a position where I overpromise and under-deliver. It’s either a good fit or it’s not, and I’m completely okay either way. I exactly obsess it’s going to come off like I’m in fairytale land.

Good firms are used to dealing with candidates who have options! If they recall the relevant recommendations of an applicant who has other plea alternatives is a fairytale, they’re telling you something very valuable about the kind of power they want to be able to exercise over employees.

So you can be fairly matter-of-fact about it. I’d say it this room: “I’m certainly interested in this role! I want to be up-front that I’m limited to 30 hours a week right now and would need some flexibility with my schedule( fill in with specifics here) and the capacity to work remotely. Is that prohibitive for this position or does it make sense to keep talking? ” If that seems workable, you could then say, “Could we touch base on payment as well? I’d be looking for around$ X to make a move like this — is that in line with your array? ”

4. Employer naughtily messed up duty withholding

My friend Jane time discovered that, despite taking zero allows, her employer hasn’t actually been rebating federal taxes from her paychecks since 2020. She didn’t notice because, well, 2020, and now she owes thousands of dollars all at once. The busines has punted responsibility, saying it’s the payroll company’s faulting and they’re” “re looking for” it .” Other than that, the only solution they offered was to give Jane a loan (!) to be repaid within three paychecks (!!!). I don’t know Jane’s financials, but it feels safe to assume lend repayment for two full years of taxes would require most if not all of those three paychecks, and that seems like a fantastic solution regardles. She’s a salaried work going W2s so it’ s not an accidental independent contractor issue. Is there anything Jane can do?

She can push back! She does legally owe those taxes and it’s unlikely that her employer will just pay them for her, but they can certainly offer her much longer than three weeks to refund it. She should decide what timeframe is doable for her and then ask for that sum of age. If she meetings resistance, she should try to escalate it higher in the company, and if her administrator isn’t already involved she should ask them to advocate for her.

If you’re suppose it’s the company’s fault and they should cover what’s now owed … rightly or incorrectly, that doesn’t usually happen with paycheck flaws( and while they’re responsible for shape the error, they’re likely to say that Jane is also responsible for looking at her checks ). But they should recognize that this is a huge and grisly thing for her and should work with her to minimize the burden as much as possible.

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