This post has been simmering in my mind for months now, I wanted to share that what can wreck a person, or at least feel like it is, can actually strengthen a relationship into something so solid the ties seemingly cannot be broken.
When we received Cedar’s diagnosis I had been married to my best friend for 18 years, that is a long time, friends. We have been through the births of 5 other children and the stillbirths of four that we never got to meet. We have been through career changes, fiscal ups and downs and so much more marching this road of life together. Marriage is not easy, in fact, there were durations that we both wondered in the beginning if we were going to make it.
When Cedar was born I wondered for a meter if this was going to break us, if this was the thing that would drive a wedge between us and cause marital stressors that would be hard to get past. You receive, I missed another newborn but my husband would have been happy to move out of the baby suffering times. We aimed up expecting baby# 6, something that was a bit of a surprise to both of us. I had a bit of regret at first when we received Cedar’s diagnosis, remorse that my husband would be angry with me, that it would be his fury that I had craved another child and our child now had a disability. I was worried that deep down my husband and I would not be the same again.
Here is where God, petition, and a good relationship base helped us become stronger. My husband was my rock in the beginning, he was the one who took the news and exactly was kind of okay with it. He was the one telling me, it’s going to be fine, he will be great and it is all going to be okay. This was the three men that I was afraid was going to be upset…he wasn’t.
There was a lot to take in when we first received Cedar’s diagnosis though, a great deal of the medical world that we had to navigate together and we did it by checking in with one and other daily, and praying for one and other as well as praying together as a couple.
In the first weeks we contributed each other space, but not too much. We nuzzled our new little one and has spoken about him to one and other. We would query one another what each other’s concerns and frights were and try out best to comfort one and other. We checked in with one and other with people saying things like,” How are you doing with all this today ?” Some dates were harder than others, sometimes we handed one another a smash and when one of us was in need of a destroy from the emotional aspects of it all, we provided under to who needed it. In a marriage you kind of know what your partner does for healthy stress succor and we offered that to one and other, my husband gave me time to process but also gave me time to do what facilitated me counteract stress and I afforded the same avenue for him.
We too granted each other grace. When one of us was maybe a bit more snippy with the other than customary, we uttered one another a break instead of fighting fire with ardor. What I learned through the whole process is that there are things that come into your matrimony that can actually strenghten you, when you was concerned that they won’t.
Here are some gratuities I would furnish any other couple on this road…
Don’t thrust one another away…talk
When you become parents, it is traumatic. When you become parents of a special needs child, it is even more so but don’t push one and other apart, find time to talk about your frights and use each other’s fortes to help both of you. Set aside a hour when you can talk to one and other daily, be it over a beaker of chocolate in the morning or just before berthed at night. If you are the one who wants to talk and your partner doesn’t, this is where prayer is invaluable. Pray for your collaborator, pray for them to talk to you and to recieve comfort.
We are a Christian couple and I do not know how people make it in their matrimony if they don’t have God, I know we never would have. If you set aside go daily to pray for one and other it is never a bad idea, it is even better when you can pray together.
Make Time for Your Relationship
In the midst of all the processing, medical screenings and physical regiman, continue to make time for appointments. If you do something as simple as a penalty cheese and cracker savor on your back terrace while the baby sleeps, it was better counts. If you have the ability to enjoy dinner out on the town weekly, all the better, but what it is you do, year your spouse.
Endeavour Help When You Need It
When the spirits become too big, the load of it all too much, sometimes we reach out to others. Maybe it is your best friend, maybe your pastor or a parent, but are to be achieved when you are struggling and let your spouse know that you are reaching out.
Decide It Is Worth It
Any married couple will tell you that there are times when a marriage is not 50/50, in fact, often it’s 100/100 or 25/75, the bottom line is one of you needs to be strong for the other and then sometimes the roles vary. Marriage is hard work, but it is worth it. Your child deserves mothers who are able to work through the excitements and forge ahead so be sure that you make the decision because it is worth it.
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