By Joshua Fields Millburn* Follow: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram

The urge to convince others is overwhelming. On the surface, it seems honourable to help, to instruct, to instruct, to guide, to motivate.

Giving advice gives the impression of dignity, as if we have a obligation to ameliorate the plight of the world, to assist people thoughts the “wrong” behavior, to point people in the “right” direction.

We are all middlemen in the middle of a self-help epidemic.

Just look at social media. Overnight professionals advocating suggestion: You should wake up early. You shouldn’t eat that. You should adopt modification. You shouldn’t get anxious. You should deepen your attires. You shouldn’t wear socks with sandals. (Okay, perhaps they’ve got a degree with that last one .)

But, certainly, there is no “should.” There never was. And without that sandcastle of “shoulds,” all suggestion has started to crumble in the wind.

Each time we advise person, it may feel like it’s arising from a plaza of compassion, but it’s actually the self-love saying I know what’s best for you.

The implication of which is disconcerting: I are quite right, you are wrong, and if you subordinate yourself to me, I will fix you.

How is this loving?

There is no bigger ego than that of the Helper. The helpful gentleman simply cannot facilitate himself. He feels obligated to tear an eagle from the sky to save it from falling, to drag a dolphin to shore to extricate it from drowning.

This is the opposite of supportive. I know because I’ve done it a thousand times. And for that, I’m sorry–a thousand apologies.

My first inclination is to delete it all — every encouragement, recommendation, suggestion, and opinion — everything from the past 39 years.

But we cannot start over by erasing the past. We is impossible to move forward in the Everlasting Now.

Perhaps I developed an allergy to admonition because propagating it only feeds the ego.

The ego is not a ” bad ” thing. Time like ardour is not ” good” or “bad.” It can warm you; it can burn you.

The desire to help isn’t good or bad, either. It appears for myriad reasonableness, all of which belong to the ego. And fortifying the ego is a surefire way to decrease the peace.

To advise is to put oneself on a pedestal, a plinth upon which no sincere person remains — it compels we look down on others, which is an abhorrent position for any human.

Advice? No! I don’t want to help you; I don’t want to not help you, either. I just wanted to Love you.

Love involves speaking the Truth and remaining neutral as to whether it “helps” anyone.

If it helps, that’s fine. If not, that’s fine, extremely. The acknowledgment is up to the recipient.

The Truth is uncovered through honest see, through aiming and awareness, through an examination of handicaps and a deeper understanding of the way things are.

To be clear, this is not a recommendation. I don’t think you “should” do anything. I’m not debating my “point” in this missive. Nor am I urging you to comprehend my “message.” I don’t hope to convince you of anything.

The moment we try to convince someone, we have lost the plot.

To convince, to influence, to prove oneself — these are all ribs ordering the same umbrella.

The Truth does not require persuasion, coaxing, or coercion — it is the Truth whether you’re convinced or not. As is Love.

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