Late Night Snark: “…and boy are my arms tired! ” Edition
“President Biden wing to Europe on his first foreign excursion. Biden’s going to England, Belgium, and Switzerland. Biden had some cicada difficulty, swatting away one before his flight. Tomorrow that cicada will be on Fox News in a neck strengthen announcing for Biden to be impeached.” –Jimmy Fallon
“Joe Biden is trying to repair some of the damage Trump did to our relationships with our allies, and it’s exciting for America. It’s like interposing our brand-new fiance to all my best friend. Y’know, we haven’t been as close with our friends over the last few years because our ex was a loud annoying cheater who never are caught up the check. But now we got a brand-new guy–he’s a little boring, he’s not exactly George Clooney, but he plows us well and doesn’t throw Starburst fruit chewings at the other world leaders, so it should be nice.” –Jimmy Kimmel
Continued…
“Texas Democrat shut down a voter-suppression law by doing what I do every time I’m at a party: leave without telling anyone. It is bananas that the only way Texas Democrat can do their job is to straight-up disappear. Texas previously concludes it notoriously hard to vote. But Republicans are trying to make it even tougher than rodeo-roping Ted Cruz during a natural disaster–his oily secretions oblige him a bitch to lasso.” –Samantha Bee
“The police were able to master technology to the point where they set up an entire covert messaging app to catch felons in over 18 countries. And hitherto they still can’t figure out how to turn on a form camera.” –Trevor Noah
The world-wide internet outage also altered the New York Times print edition. #LSSC pic.twitter.com/ VafFJ1xLPe
— A Late Show (@ colbertlateshow) June 9, 2021
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“Republican representative Marjorie Taylor-Greene sent a letter to President Biden that demanded he start an investigation into Dr. Anthony Fauci and provide answers by June 31 st, a year that doesn’t exist. Which is surprising, considering the last thing I would’ve expected her to do is widen Pride Month.” –Seth Meyers
“Either he shares a accommodate with a Ken doll, or he wastes so much time yankin’ stuff out of his keister that he just likes to have the zipper back there to make it easy. But it heightened a lot of questions–like, how did he zip his gasps? And was his belt also on downwards? And how luck are we that this man no longer has the nuclear codes? ” –Stephen Colbert, on the quirky zipperless dress throbs Trump wore at his Saturday faith rally
And now, our peculiarity presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, June 11, 2021
Note: Get inoculated. Get inoculated. Get injected. A public service message from the National Association of Note Writers Who Say Everything Three Times.
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By the Numbers 😛 TAGEND
8 dates !!!
Days ’til Juneteenth: 8P TAGEND
Percent of Americans who supported overturning Roe v. Wade in 2008 and 2021, respectively, according to Gallup polling: 33%, 32%
Percent who supported leaving it alone in 2008 and 2021: 52%, 58%
Price tag of the Keystone XL pipeline, which TC Energy says it’s scrapping:$ 9 billion
Rate at which solar modules will be produced by First Solar when their brand-new flora, the largest outside of China, opens near Toledo, Ohio: one every 2.8 seconds
Year during which the cicadas will return: 2038
Age of Michael J. Fox as of Wednesday: 60
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Welcome to the kiddie pool…
aww lovely pic.twitter.com/ wc4PlAPaAN
— ViralPosts (@ ViralPosts5) June 8, 2021
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CHEERS to finally being able to shout “Oily Oily Oxenfree! ” Like everything else that’s contentious in this country, I thoughts the Keystone XL pipeline tale was going to be an on-again, off-again theater production for the rest of time–“on” during Republican administrations, “off” during Democratic ones. So having this moment to claim a victory for our back is as unexpected as it is welcome 😛 TAGEND
Energy infrastructure fellowship TC Energy said here on Wednesday it had concluded the$ 9 billion Keystone XL pipeline campaign, months after U.S. President Joe Biden lifted a key tolerate in a blow to Canada’s oil sector.
Bill McKibben finally–finally !– got a good night’s sleep.
Keystone XL, which would have been under construction this year, was expected to carry 830,000 barrels per day of Alberta oil sands crude to Nebraska.
But opposition from U.S. proprietors, Native American tribes and environmentalists had retarded development projects for the past 12 years, with Biden pledging to scrap the permit, which he did on his first day in office.
Congratulations to all the indigenous tribes, environmentalists, and owners who never “ve been given”. The moral of this story is pretty simple: some things are so potentially catastrophic that they simply shouldn’t be uncorked in the first place. And now, girls, keep chanted for the July grand opening of the 1,179 -mile Keystone XL Happy Fun Slide.( Don’t forget to pack a lunch. And probably a flashlight .)
CHEERS to confirming President Obama’s judicial nominees. That’s not a typo. Earlier this week the Senate lastly got off its big ass and approved the first of Joe Biden’s pickings for federal judgeships. Both, nonetheless, were first nominated by Barack Obama but stalled by Moscow Mitch. New Jerseyite Julien Neals was the first to get the green light, followed promptly by mile-high nominee Regina Rodriguez for the U.S. District inColorado …
…making the tribulation solicitor and onetime “prosecutors ” the first Asian-American judge to sit on the state’s federal workbench. […]
Regina Rodriguez is now “a Biden judge.”
A Gunnison native, Rodriguez is the daughter of a Mexican-American father and a Japanese-American mother whose kinfolk was being transferred to an internment camp in Wyoming during World War II.
She ability the U.S. advocate for Colorado’s civil right partition during her term working for the U.S. Justice Department and represented corporate purchasers in private practice, most recently for world-wide conglomerate Wilmer Hale.
As we objective the week, that’s two vacancies down and 78 to go. 79 if you count Judge Judy .
CHEERS to the anti-Clarence Thomas. Speaking of justice, on Sunday’s date in 1967, in an achievement of equal parts fearlessnes and smarts, Lyndon Johnson elected Thurgood Marshall to become the first pitch-black right on the U.S. Supreme Court. His 24 years on the bench used to work are you all right for America, and his previous use wasn’t chopped liver, either 😛 TAGEND
After amassing an affecting record of Supreme court challenges to state-sponsored discrimination, including the landmark Brown v. Board decision in 1954, President John F. Kennedy equipped Thurgood Marshall to the U.S. Court of Entreaty for the Second Circuit.
Thurgood Marshall was replaced by Clarence Thomas. What an effing change backwards.
In this capacity, he wrote over 150 decisions including support for the rights of immigrants, limiting government interference in cases involving illegal search and seizure, doubled jeopardy, and right to privacy issues. […]
In 1965 President Lyndon Johnson equipped Judge Marshall to the office of U.S. Solicitor General. Before his subsequent nomination to the United States State supreme court in 1967, Thurgood Marshall earned 14 of the 19 events he bickered before the State supreme court on behalf of the government. Indeed, Thurgood Marshall represented and earned more lawsuits before the United Regime United states supreme court than any other American.
And no one ever–ever–found a pubic hair on his Coke can.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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These orphaned baby elephants are being cared for now by this sanctuary. [?] pic.twitter.com/ BSO8 7nGP96
— Fred Schultz (@ fred0 35 schultz) June 8, 2021
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to a good start. On June 11, 1776, the Continental Congress assembled a committee in Philadelphia to draft a Declaration of Independence. Here are three of those members–Adams, Franklin and Jefferson–hashing out the specific in the HBO miniseries John Adams 😛 TAGEND
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The Declaration itself was nice, but what actually storeys me is: a committee actually did something useful.
CHEERS to home greenery. In terms of Tv, it’s pretty much the usual this weekend, starting with Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow propping a lighter up to the sprinkler system at 30 Rock to douse the fires in their “hairs-breadth”. Tonight at 10 on Real Time, Bill Maher actually has a decent lineup: Neal DeGrasse Tyson, Rachel Bitecofer, and Rob Reiner.
The chap on the right is on “Real Time” tonight.
The most popular movies and dwelling videos, new and old-fashioned, are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. Sports planneds: MLB here, the NHL here, WNBA here, and the NBA now. Saturday at 5, Fox starts its coverage of the 45th Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, and the Best in Show finals start Sunday evening at 7:30.( If the basset hound wears a Sherlock Holmes hat and piping, he’s a fasten .)
On 60 Minutes: a chart of GOAT Simone Biles, the destruction caused by high-velocity assault weapon ammo, and the last voyage of the last known slave ship. And the weekend concludes with a beaker of mellowed John Oliver tea Sunday night at 11 on a brand-new edition of HBO’s Last Week Tonight.
Now here’s your Sunday morning lineup 😛 TAGEND
Meet the Press: TBA
If you actually want to learn something, watch this guy on MSNBC instead.
This Week: Rep. Michael McCaul( CULT-TX ); former Obama Under Secretary of Defense for Policy Michele Flournoy.
Face the Nation: White House elderly adviser for Covid response Andy Slavitt; Sen. Susan Collins( CULT-ME ); onetime FDA commissioner Dr. Scott Gottlieb.
CNN’s State of the Union: Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Sen. Bob Menendez( D-NJ ).
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C& J: June 11, 2011
CHEERS to captivating lightning in a bottle. Well, they did it! The geek crew at CERN( or “CERN” for short) did something that would’ve established our cave-dweller ancestors conceive we were mighty idols :
Scientists said Sunday they had captured and collected antihydrogen atoms for a record 16 minutes, a stunning technological achievement that predicts deeper insights into the puzzles of antimatter . … “We can keep the antihydrogen atoms captured for 1,000 seconds. This is long enough to begin to study them–even with the small number that we can catch so far, ” said Jeffrey Hangst, spokesman for the ALPHA team conducting the tests at the European organization for Nuclear Research( CERN) in Geneva.
It should be noted that the experiment didn’t produce the so-called “God particle, ” which scientists feel will expose how the universe was created. However, it did something even more impressive: it gave the toothpaste back in the tube. Nobels for everyone!
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And merely one more…
CHEERS to a Loving legacy. When Mildred Loving died 13 years ago at 68, she left behind a milestone that reached its dramatic stature 54 several years ago. On June 12, 1967, the Supreme Court settled on a occurrence announced Loving v. Virginia, striking down territory miscegenation regulations( Virginia’s had been participating in the parchment since the mid-1 600 s ). Since this is Pride Month, it’s worth revisiting the statement Loving issued on the 40 th anniversary of the edict of its finding in her lawsuit. When she fought for equal wedlock liberties, she wanted for everyone 😛 TAGEND
The older generation’s fears and injustices have given route, and today’s young people realize that if someone affections someone they have a right to marry.
Mildred and Richard Loving
Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren , not a day goes by very that I don’t think of Richard and our affection, our title to marry, and how much it “ve been meaning to” me to have that naturalnes to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the “wrong various kinds of person” for me to marry.
I believe all Americans , no matter their scoot , no matter their gender , no matter their sexual orientation, “shouldve been” that same flexibility to marry. Government has no business levy some people’s religious beliefs over others. Specially if it revokes people’s civil rights.
I am still not a political party, but I am proud that Richard’s and my list is on a court case that can help reinforce the cherish, the commitment, the fairness, and their own families that so many beings, pitch-black or white-hot, young or aged, lesbian or straight-from-the-shoulder try in man. I support the freedom to marry for all. That’s what Loving, and cherishing, are all about.
And don’t get her started on nuptial cakes.
Have a great weekend. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and gibing about today?
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