Living with mental illness wants accepting that some things are out of our controller. It also means tolerating irritants like pillboxes, regular doctor trips, and the symptoms we just can’t quite get under control.
But, does living with mental illness mean we have to keep toxic people around us? Do we, as people who are managing a severe and stubborn illness, only is therefore necessary to take the abuse that parties heap on us because at the least we aren’t alone?
In this escapade, Gabe& Michelle explore digesting poison parties and whether or not it’s a good feeling. Listen now!
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“My number one position is taking care of my mental health.”- Michelle Hammer
Highlights From’ Toxic Parties and Mental Illness’ Episode
[ 1:00] Michelle and Gabe talk about toxic parties.
[ 3:30] Michelle shares how her mental illness improved after removing a noxious person from her life.
[ 14:30] Gabe tells a narration of removing a harmful person from their own lives to improve his mental illness outcomes.
[ 25:00] A touching fib from someone who loves this podcast.
Computer Generated Transcript for’ Lethal Beings and Mental Illness’ Show
Editor’s Note: Delight be mindful that this transcript has been computer made and therefore may include blunders and grammar missteps. Thank you.
Narrator:[ 00:00: 07] For intellects that entirely escape everyone involved, you’re listening to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. Now are your multitudes, Gabe Howard and Michelle Hammer.
Gabe Howard:[ 00:00: 18] Hey everybody! You are listening to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. I’m the bipolar one. My refer is Gabe.
Michelle Hammer:[ 00:00: 24] Hi, I’m Michelle. I’m schizophrenic.
Gabe:[ 00:00: 27] Michelle, we are talking about people who are toxic for our mental health issues on this chapter. Isn’t that kind of curious?” Person who are toxic for our mental health .” Another road to say that is, like, “jerks.”
Michelle:[ 00:00: 37] Jerks.
Gabe:[ 00:00: 37] Like how to slashed assholes out of our life.
[ 00:00: 40] I convey, yeah, some people, they suck.
[ 00:00: 41] They do.
Michelle:[ 00:00: 43] They suck, and they are only got to go. Like sometimes you just gotta be like chop chop chopped up, bye.
Gabe:[ 00:00: 47] Chop chop chop chop bye?
Michelle:[ 00:00: 49] Chop chop bye.
Gabe:[ 00:00: 50] Chop chop bye.
Michelle:[ 00:00: 51] Chopped up, bye-bye.
Gabe:[ 00:00: 52] Like slap chop.
Michelle:[ 00:00: 52] Slap chop.
Gabe:[ 00:00: 53] Remember that chap?
Michelle:[ 00:00: 54] Oh yeah. The Slap Chop.
Gabe:[ 00:00: 56] Yeah.
Michelle:[ 00:00: 56] I don’t have one.
Gabe:[ 00:01: 00] I think your painting just came over, Michelle.
Michelle:[ 00:01: 03] You did not hang it nicely.
Gabe:[ 00:01: 05] Hey, you’re lucky I have one at all. Michelle, everybody has toxic parties in their own lives. It’s interesting that we’re discussing this from the vantage point of those living with mental illness. Because all of us, I necessitate it doesn’t matter if you have mental illness or not, noxious people exist in everybody’s lives.
Michelle:[ 00:01: 22] Everybody does have toxic parties in their own lives. Some people can treat that. But, why? Why would you want to, why? Why do you have to keep toxic parties around? I predict if you’re pertained, right?
Gabe:[ 00:01: 33] You’re associated?
Michelle:[ 00:01: 33] The only reason to keep somebody toxic around. Like, if you have to see them at kinfolk contests and stuff like that. But, I intend, other than that, bye-bye.
Gabe:[ 00:01: 45] Do you think our parents are at home, like,” We have to keep Gabe and Michelle around because they’re in our lives, even though they’re messed up ?”
Michelle:[ 00:01: 54] Maybe at some place in my life.
Gabe:[ 00:01: 56] Let’s talk about, straight up, the peoples of the territories that it is essential to get rid of because they are bad for our mental health issues. And coping our mental health issues is kind of a full age job.
Michelle:[ 00:02: 05] I would have to agree. It’s my number 1 position. Managing my mental health.
Gabe:[ 00:02: 10] Yeah, okay.
Michelle:[ 00:02: 10] Number two task is taking a shower.
Gabe:[ 00:02: 13] The number two responsibility is taking a shower?
Michelle:[ 00:02: 14] No, I…
Gabe:[ 00:02: 14] Which is why i podcasting on that directory? The rebuttal is you don’t consider that a job, right? Like, this isn’t work.
Michelle:[ 00:02: 20] You know. You know- find a job that you love! You’ll never work a era in your life.
Gabe:[ 00:02: 25] I hate that saying. I don’t believe that compiling your diversion your work draws you love your job. I believe that it compiles you detest your hobby.
Michelle:[ 00:02: 33] I actually would have to agree with that. Actually, yes. Agreed. A immense large-hearted yes.
Gabe:[ 00:02: 38] You also shouldn’t podcast with your friends because it makes you detest your friends.
Michelle:[ 00:02: 42] That can happen too, yes.
Gabe:[ 00:02: 43] I hate you.
Michelle:[ 00:02: 43] I dislike Vin.
Gabe:[ 00:02: 45] Whoa!
Michelle:[ 00:02: 47] Don’t tell him.
Gabe:[ 00:02: 48] You don’t podcast with Vin.
Michelle:[ 00:02: 48] I know, I’m just kidding.
Gabe:[ 00:02: 49] I think it’s funny that you’re, like,” don’t tell him !” When you said it live on a evidence. You’re really enlisting on the facts of the case that he doesn’t listen.
Michelle:[ 00:02: 54] This is how we’ll know if Vin listens.
Gabe:[ 00:02: 57] That’s true! We should also weed happens in there, like,” Mom, I detest you !” Now I’ll know if she listens because she’ll be like,” That was symbolize, why’d you say that on your indicate ?”
Michelle:[ 00:03: 05] Right! What if I said how aged my mother was? Right now?
Gabe:[ 00:03: 08] Sixty-two.
Michelle:[ 00:03: 08] Nope.
Gabe:[ 00:03: 09] Seventy.
Michelle:[ 00:03: 09] Younger.
Gabe:[ 00:03: 11] Fifty one.
Michelle:[ 00:03: 12] Older.
Gabe:[ 00:03: 12] Thirty two.
Michelle:[ 00:03: 13] Older.
Gabe:[ 00:03: 14] Seven.
Michelle:[ 00:03: 14] Older.
Gabe:[ 00:03: 15] Ninety five.
Michelle:[ 00:03: 16] Younger.
Gabe:[ 00:03: 16] Ten.
Michelle:[ 00:03: 17] Older.
Gabe:[ 00:03: 17] Bat symbol.
Michelle:[ 00:03: 19] Robin.
Gabe:[ 00:03: 22] Michelle, tell us about the person that you had to cut out of your life because they were toxic.
Michelle:[ 00:03: 28] Oh…children, children, children, children … Everybody knows those girls in high school. Those daughters in high school, they just think they’re better than other girls, for no reason. Even though, they just are worthless segments of shit. They love to suppose they’re better than you. They like to insult you. Even when you’re ridiculously thin, they call you fat. And when you have muscles from dallying boasts, “theyre saying”,” Stop playing sports! You’re getting muscular, and boys don’t like muscular girlfriends .” And, when you say you think that person is hot, and you want to write out with him, they’ll say to you,” The question is, does he want to make out with you ?”
Gabe:[ 00:04: 10] Do you say it in this tone? I don’t know what various kinds of high school you went to, but…
Michelle:[ 00:04: 14] No, I’m just- I’m professing I’m on masterpiece theater right now.
Gabe:[ 00:04: 18] Oh yeah! Yeah, yeah. Yeah ,’ lawsuit that’s what we’re doing right now, Masterpiece Theater.
Michelle:[ 00:04: 23] Masterpiece Theater. I’m telling the story.
Gabe:[ 00:04: 24] I’m sorry, continue. Continue with-
Michelle:[ 00:04: 26] So…
Gabe:[ 00:04: 27] -with this.
Michelle:[ 00:04: 28] After one darknes of just nonsense, there was a fight. And after years of knowing such person or persons since kindergarten, and defending and defending and always really being a acquaintance, even though she’s horribly mean to me. She didn’t take my place in a fight. So I chose, at that moment, I was never going to talk to her again. Major year of high school, right at the very end. I don’t have to see her again, ever. So I chose, I just trimmed her out of my life- wholly. I simply ever had to see her at a shiva and a graduation defendant. But about a year ago I get an e-mail.
Gabe:[ 00:05: 06] Nah, nah, you’re –
Michelle:[ 00:05: 08] What?
Gabe:[ 00:05: 08] You’re glossing over some stuff here.
Michelle:[ 00:05: 09] Well, what?
Gabe:[ 00:05: 09] You exactly – you’re just, like,” Oh, I knew her since kindergarten” Like that was nothing. I mean you really, various kinds of like in one convict, bounced over, what? Ten years of friendship? You knew this person for a long time.
Michelle:[ 00:05: 22] Right? We went to Hebrew school together. We went to elementary school, secondary school, high school. We went to each other’s bat mitzvahs. We knew one another for a very long time. But throughout all this whole time-
Gabe:[ 00:05: 33] You went boobs together!
Michelle:[ 00:05: 34] She was-
Gabe:[ 00:05: 35] I mean-
Michelle:[ 00:05: 35] Well, I want, she would persistently, tell us how her boob were, you are familiar with, better than ours. That she looked like a simulate and we did not. And just insult us, and exactly slander us, and insult us. But, we would always go back and be her friend because, generally that was just a thing.
Gabe:[ 00:05: 52] You merely kind of grow out of it right? Like, you precisely kind of figured that stasis would be reached?
Michelle:[ 00:05: 54] But it just came to a premier where after years of protecting her to everybody, being, like, she’s not that bad. Just whatever. It’s, it’s OK. She didn’t take my back in a fight. So.
Gabe:[ 00:06: 06] So, you felt like she was disloyal.
Michelle:[ 00:06: 08] So, she, after how many years of loyalty, she didn’t take my slope. But on top of that-
Gabe:[ 00:06: 14] and she bullied you.
Michelle:[ 00:06: 14] She bullied me.
Gabe:[ 00:06: 15] For many years.
Michelle:[ 00:06: 16] Countless years. Telling us, telling me, that I was very short. I needed to lose weight. I should stop dallying lacrosse because it did me extremely muscular. Because sons don’t like that, she said. But, I likewise had to lose weight more and more and more. Because, you are familiar with, it’s fatness that’s really ugly. Even though I was direction thinner than she was. But then she would tell me that my boob weren’t big enough because they’re not really good. And too telling me how much I should just like, I look like a humankind, because I don’t introduce any makeup on and I wear my mane up. But if I lean some on, and I wear my mane down, and I make makeup on I could kind of be pretty.
Gabe:[ 00:06: 50] What time did this fight happen?
Michelle:[ 00:06: 52] 2006.
Gabe:[ 00:06: 52] OK, so you got in to a fight in 2006. And then 10 years later, in 2016…
Michelle:[ 00:06: 56] Yes. In 2016, I get a Facebook message.
Gabe:[ 00:07: 00] All right, and the Facebook message says …?
Michelle:[ 00:07: 01]” Hey, Michelle! I wanted to share with you that I’m so proud of your transformation and what you’ve done with the mental health matters. It’s a huge controversy in America , not only New York City, and something I’ve dealt with my part life. I realize your browbeat of me when we were kids might have been less personal for me and more about you taking out your exasperation and dealing with what you were going through. But I have had anxiety since I was 10 and find succour in therapy and remedy. It’s been a hard clash to convince people of what goes on in my recollection, because they can’t see it. I had a boyfriend years ago who didn’t understand why I take medication. He retained saying, “You’re fine.” Little did he know that remedy is what was restraining me fine. Had I had diabetes or something more visible, he blah, blah, blah” You get my station?
Gabe:[ 00:07: 50] I study the thing that we can agree on is that mental illness is not taken seriously in America. It is a big problem everywhere including outside of New York City.
Michelle:[ 00:07: 57] Okay, yes. Yes.
Gabe:[ 00:07: 57] So, I’m kind of approximating that this is not the responsibility that is upsetting you.
Michelle:[ 00:08: 01] Yes.
Gabe:[ 00:08: 01] It’s the part where she says you bullied her.
Michelle:[ 00:08: 06] Yes.
Gabe:[ 00:08: 06] And she didn’t acknowledge that she bullied you.
Michelle:[ 00:08: 12] Yes.
Gabe:[ 00:08: 12] Is there is an opportunity that she’s being sincere or do you think she’s dense?
Michelle:[ 00:08: 15] She’s insane. She is absolutely insane, insane. OK.
Gabe:[ 00:08: 24] She’s not. She’s not insane or insane, Michelle.
Michelle:[ 00:08: 27] Again, I have a mental disease. I guess she has anxiety. But she has something else if she thinks that was the situation.
Gabe:[ 00:08: 35] You’re saying you think she’s schizophrenic?
Michelle:[ 00:08: 36] Beyond. Something even more beyond. I don’t even know. She’s on Mars. Because if she believes that’s what developments in the situation was, she lives on planet Mars or something further below in the galaxy.
Gabe:[ 00:08: 52] Because, you never bullied her?
Michelle:[ 00:08: 54] Maybe. In retorts extremely,” you would be reasonably if you put some makeup on !” I would say,” Shut the fuck up !”
Gabe:[ 00:09: 00] Is there is an opportunity that she was trying to help you? And I know telling someone to put one across makeup is not helpful. But is there a macrocosm …
Michelle:[ 00:09: 08] No.
Gabe:[ 00:09: 09] Because you were kids.
Michelle:[ 00:09: 09] No , no , no. No. Because it was like,” Well if you keep makeup on, you know you would look less like a lesbian. Because, you are familiar with, if you garment different and you frame makeup on, you glance less like a lesbian. Like, you do look like a lesbian. Yeah, you should really, like , not look like that. Like, yeah. Like you know my momma, she’s a doctor, and she said you’re a lesbian .” Even though her baby wasn’t a doctor. She was a physician’s assistant. Which I understand is a good professing, but still , not a doctor.
Gabe:[ 00:09: 30] I think it’s interesting that in your rant you took time to acknowledge that anything in the medical realm is good. I can’t help but think that-
Michelle:[ 00:09: 36] Because I know it’s a really hard chore, very. And I have to acknowledge that. And I know that I could not be a P.A ., because I’m not intelligent or driven fairly, but-
Gabe:[ 00:09: 43] It’s the driven. You are definitively rational enough.
Michelle:[ 00:09: 45] She was still lying. You’re still lying about the professing. If it was as good, or if it was the same as a doctor, you wouldn’t be lying about the position. Would you? Would you too lie and say you live in a different place code to constitute yourself gaze more rich? Yes. She did that too, case in point. I trimmed her out of my life and I’ve never been happier.
Gabe:[ 00:10: 10] Genuinely? At 18 years old, when you trimmed her out of your life, you didn’t go to a psychiatric facility?
Michelle:[ 00:10: 16] Shut up.
Gabe:[ 00:10: 17] Several times? You didn’t get almost knocked off the lacrosse unit? You didn’t think that your mom was trying to kill you and then thought that your roommate was trying to kill you? So really, the core factor, and crux, of all your problems, was this woman?
Michelle:[ 00:10: 31] Shut the fuck up.
Gabe:[ 00:10: 33] Do you think, maybe, you’re seeing this incorrectly?
Michelle:[ 00:10: 37] I’m just saying…
Gabe:[ 00:10: 38] I’m not saying this woman is not a problem. I’m not saying that she wasn’t insolent. But you’ve really built this up in your head. Your life would be perfect, if this one person, when you were a child, didn’t piss you off.
Michelle:[ 00:10: 50] It merely gives me such solace to not be friends with her. To not have attended her marry. To not be there when she gets divorced.
Gabe:[ 00:11: 00] So you’re already bidding a divorce on her?
Michelle:[ 00:11: 02] I don’t bid a divorce on her. I’m just saying, you are familiar with, saying the[ equivocal]
Gabe:[ 00:11: 04] The inevitable?
Michelle:[ 00:11: 04] You know what I’m trying to say. That word.
Gabe:[ 00:11: 08] That command?
Michelle:[ 00:11: 09] That- inevitable.
Gabe:[ 00:11: 10] I like how I make fun of you for[ undecided ]. All privilege you win this round, Michelle. But, listen you needed to let it go. And it sounds like…be honest.
Michelle:[ 00:11: 25] Well, I’ll tell you, I did not even respond to that. No response.
Gabe:[ 00:11: 28] But you’re still mad about it. When are you going to let her stop living lease free in your principal?
Michelle:[ 00:11: 33] Well, sometimes, ugh! I’ll view her on my Instagram feed.
Gabe:[ 00:11: 36] What? You can hold that.
Michelle:[ 00:11: 38] No. It’s like other people from my high school. Well, one person from high school. One party from high school will employ her in an Instagram feed. Ugh!
Gabe:[ 00:11: 48] OK, real talk.
Michelle:[ 00:11: 50] Ugh. What?
Gabe:[ 00:11: 50] You’re a 30 year-old woman. Why are you still pissed off at the chick from high school? I convey “re coming with us”. Yeah fine, she was insufferable. She was horrible. She called you specifies. And it sounds like, a few years ago, her road of contacting out, merely proves that she hasn’t changed much. She hasn’t grown. But why are you still mad at her?
Michelle:[ 00:12: 08] I feel like she made me hate myself.
Gabe:[ 00:12: 10] All claim. So you don’t like the way you felt about yourself. And she reminds you of how you felt about yourself.
Michelle:[ 00:12: 16] Yeah. Everybody in high school is actually self-conscious, you know? And you don’t need to have another person reaffirming those beliefs all the time. Or precisely “re making fun” of you all the time. Compiling you dislike yourself, offsetting you dishonor yourself. Time everything you do. Her ruling was always its important opinion or everybody else was wrong.
Gabe:[ 00:12: 38] But-
Michelle:[ 00:12: 39] Like the dictator.
Gabe:[ 00:12: 39] Did you kind of feel like her sentiment was the most important one?
Michelle:[ 00:12: 42] No. That’s why I told her to shut up all the time. Just stop.
Gabe:[ 00:12: 47] When you finally cut her out of your life, was there a dramatic time? Or did you merely supernatural her?
Michelle:[ 00:12: 51] Ghost. Just ghost.
Gabe:[ 00:12: 52] Just straight up ghost? You simply supernatural? You didn’t just say,” Don’t call me anymore ?” There was no yell, there’s no bawling? Just you thought,” Today. Enough is enough ?”.
Michelle:[ 00:13: 00] Yeah, today enough is sufficient. And then sometimes I would get a phone call saying,” Oh, me and her are going to the city. Do you want to come ?” No. Or,” Me and her are together. She says,’ hi.'” OK, never said hi back. Never anything. I had to see her two separate seasons. I was nice. I didn’t like it. Actually, after I graduated college, I feel she was asking,” Oh, you know, did you get any internships ?” I said,” Yeah, I got two internships this summer .” And her first issue after that was not, “Where?” or,” What were they ?” It was,” Are you getting paid .”.
Gabe:[ 00:13: 36] Were you?
Michelle:[ 00:13: 36] Not refuting that question. Regardless , not,” Oh , where are your internships ?”
Gabe:[ 00:13: 42] I require you to know every time-
Michelle:[ 00:13: 43]” Are you getting paid ?”
Gabe:[ 00:13: 45] -you say irrespective, I’m taking a drink of Diet Coke.
Michelle:[ 00:13: 46] Suck my dick.
Gabe:[ 00:13: 50] All right, it’s my turn to lay on the couch and it’s your turn to be therapist. Come it?
Michelle:[ 00:13: 53] Hang on, Gabe, we’ve got to pay the proposals. Here’s our sponsor.
Narrator 2:[ 00:13: 57] This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com. Secure, handy, and cheap online advise. All advisers are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule fasten video or phone periods, plus converses and verse with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online regiman often costs less than a single usual face-to-face session. Become to BetterHelp.com/ PsychCentral, and ordeal seven days of free regiman to see if online counseling is freedom for you. BetterHelp.com/ PsychCentral.
Michelle:[ 00:14: 28] We are back talking about toxic parties and protecting our mental health.
Gabe:[ 00:14: 32] All title, “youre ready”?
Michelle:[ 00:14: 33] Yes.
Gabe:[ 00:14: 33] OK, because we’re not going to solve your question from high school when my question from high school is still lingering.
Michelle:[ 00:14: 39] Fine.
Gabe:[ 00:14: 39] You’re gonna find this hard to believe so don’t make fun of me.
Michelle:[ 00:14: 41] Mm hmm.
Gabe:[ 00:14: 42] I was bullied a lot in high school.
Michelle:[ 00:14: 44] Really?
Gabe:[ 00:14: 45] Yeah. Now don’t be mean to me, or you’re just that maid from the other tale except in my fib. I didn’t do well. I didn’t do well in high school. And you know, I did have untreated bipolar disorder. I didn’t get along with their own families. You know, they tried to punish bipolar illness out of me. I didn’t have a lot of friends. I was fatty. I had horrible acne and I did not play plays. I was a classic underachiever. And my favorite pastime was computers. I enjoyed computers in the 80 s and 90 s. So-
Michelle:[ 00:15: 19] That’s awesome.
Gabe:[ 00:15: 21] Yeah, it was awesome when it came is now time to get a job. But “its not” impressive when it is a matter is now time to get a date.
Michelle:[ 00:15: 27] Oh, yeah. Gotcha.
Gabe:[ 00:15: 27] I was a solid, zit faced kid with no tournament who wore robes that didn’t fit, and my diversion was playing with computers.
Michelle:[ 00:15: 36] Wow.
Gabe:[ 00:15: 37] Yeah.
Michelle:[ 00:15: 37] Wow, Gabe.
Gabe:[ 00:15: 37] Yeah.
Michelle:[ 00:15: 38] You cover a really naughty illustration right there.
Gabe:[ 00:15: 41] Yeah, it was dazing. Stunningly unpleasant. But I did have a friend. Like a really good friend. And we were friends through a good deal. We met in secondary school, and we were friends in secondary school. And we were friends in high school. And we were friends when I graduated high school. And we’d just been through a good deal together. Like, a good deal. Like things that I am legally not allowed to mention on the podcast. Because, you know, they’re shut. And, we were just there for each other. He went through a great deal of substance more. I symbolize, with their own families he went through a good deal of material. I went through a great deal of substance with their own families. We both have- we found out later, in later years, we both had untreated mental illness. So, we sort of even had that in common. When I was in the mental institution, he came to visit me. This is not some low-grade purpose friend.
Michelle:[ 00:16: 38] Yeah. This person seems like a really good friend of yours.
Gabe:[ 00:16: 40] Yeah. You’re thinking when am I going to meet him?
Michelle:[ 00:16: 41] Right.
Gabe:[ 00:16: 42] Yeah. You’re not!
Michelle:[ 00:16: 43] Something must have gone terribly, very wrong here.
Gabe:[ 00:16: 45] Something did go wrong. And I’m candidly, to this day , not sure what it was. At some place he started to get exceedingly vigorous. And he would slander pretty much all that is I did. And he would make fun of me.
Michelle:[ 00:16: 59] Why?
Gabe:[ 00:16: 59] I don’t know. I don’t know. I ended several years ago to be a scribe. That’s how I dissolved up with a podcast. That’s how I gratified you, and I started writing about- blogging. I make, let’s call it blogging, that’s what it was. I started blogging about my excursion with mental illness, and when I started doing that he precisely started making fun of me. And he was like,” Well blogging is stupid. Anybody can have a blog. Blogging is dumb .” And, you know, I thought-
Michelle:[ 00:17: 21] Well, was he on drug doing this to him?
Gabe:[ 00:17: 24] No. No, he..he…he just thought that writing was stupid. I don’t know why.
Michelle:[ 00:17: 30] But, why did he grow such a dick?
Gabe:[ 00:17: 31] I don’t know. And I made, perhaps, it was like depression.
Michelle:[ 00:17: 36] Mm hmm.
Gabe:[ 00:17: 36] That it would just pass. And so I only started the blog. And he would insult it. Seldom he would read it and point out that I had grammar mistakes, which was true. But he never actually would comment on anything other than, like, you are familiar with, picking it apart. And I precisely kind of happened and that was fine. And then eventually a place “il be back soon” and offered me money! And I was like,” Hey, I’m getting paid to write !” He was like,” Well I don’t understand, that’s just bullshit. They can do better. I don’t know why they’re doing this .” And, you are familiar with, he wasn’t really proud of me, or happy for me. Or anything.
Michelle:[ 00:18: 05] Was it jealousy?
Gabe:[ 00:18: 07] See, that’s what a lot of “theyre saying”. But I have trouble. Like, who would be jealous of me? And I know, this is not me fishing for a commendation, I merely … I don’t understand why anybody would be jealous of me. I didn’t have a lot of money. I was writing about living with a terrifying sicknes. I was still kind of estranged from my family. Not a good deal, but more than zero. I symbolize, why would you be jealous of me?
Michelle:[ 00:18: 32] Well, were you getting better and he was getting worse?
Gabe:[ 00:18: 36] I don’t think so. He has a master’s degree. I never went to college. He had a racket that he liked and he’s good at that he’s suited for. I mean, I just….there were many things about his life that I was watchful of.
Michelle:[ 00:18: 49] What? What was what was going on? I’m so confused.
Gabe:[ 00:18: 52] I candidly don’t know. Eventually, I got an offer to write for The Stanford Medical Journal, the online volume. Which is a real big get for somebody who is not in medication. And I took it, and it was really hard to write. You know, I’m not a researcher, I’m not a doctor. And it was about the lived experience, and I want to be clear, it wasn’t for the printed Stanford Medical Journal. It was for their web site. And I was so proud. I was really proud. Because, as you know, I want to get the patient know into as many physicians’ brains as is practicable. Because I don’t think that they understand what people with mental illness run through. It’s really easy for them to say happenings like,” Be med compliant !” But I don’t think they understand fully why we’re not. So, I was really proud of this, and I acted truly, really hard. And his part sentiment was,” Whatever, it’s online. Who attends? None helps .” And he only kind of picked it apart. So, I started moving away from just telling him about my attainments, because he was never very supportive. And I tried to focus all of our discussions on, like, Star Wars and Star Trek and substance like that. Because I exactly didn’t get why he wasn’t proud of me, and I missed him to be proud of me. I know that’s a messed up event to say, maybe. But I demanded my friend to be happy for me. That’s all I missed. And then bipolar publication came along.
Michelle:[ 00:20: 12] Oh, and he was pissed?
Gabe:[ 00:20: 12] Yeah.
Michelle:[ 00:20: 15] He was watchful then! That’s jealousy. That is jealousy. He was distrustful you were to do better, you two are getting this success, and he probably just was like,” Blah, I suck at my stupid boring hassle. Gabe gets to do all this cool material. Gabe feels comfy being bipolar .” And he’s probably like,” I have a mental illness. I don’t want to tell anyone about it. I’m scared of it”
Gabe:[ 00:20: 34] Sure. You’re not the first person to posit this as a hypothesi. But why would you dispense with your friend over that? And he was good at his place. He liked his occupation. I was envious of him for his occupation. He was so stable and, again, well educated. Intelligent. He just…I’m not describing someone that lives in his mothers vault. He has his own stuff. He drives his own car. He lives in his own place. Like I said, he has a master’s degree and a good job. He’s not- I could, perhaps, accompany him being distrustful of me if he was realise minimum wage and living in his parents’ vault. But he wasn’t. He was a success in a multitude of ways. We weren’t the same type of successful, but he was doing well. I don’t understand. All I know is that I precisely couldn’t take it. I told him that he hurt my looks, and that I just wanted him to respect all of the direct that I put in and all of the effort and all of the exertion. Yeah, I just wanted your best friend to be proud of me. I did. That’s what I wanted him to say. I missed him to say,” Wow, Gabe, you did it. You did something that no one thought you could do, and you did it well. I am glad to know you .” And what he said instead is,” That’s stupid, publication is expiring .” I don’t even retain, because when I told him that he hurt my beliefs, he rushed out of my car. We were driving. I was at a stop signed, or a stoplight. He went out of the car, and he walked away. And he never announced me again. About a year and a half or so after that, I ran into him at the movies. And I was actually provoked, because I contemplated,” Oh this is it !” And it was a movie that we adored and that we often would go to together. And I said,” Hey, how are you ?” And he said, “Hi,” and I tried to talk to him and…
Michelle:[ 00:22: 32] Wow.
Gabe:[ 00:22: 34] … kind of walked away. And that hurt my ardours all over again.
Michelle:[ 00:22: 38] I don’t think he was okay in his head.
Gabe:[ 00:22: 41] I said the same circumstance about your friend. Maybe she wasn’t okay in her premier. Maybe she misses this friendship. Maybe all of these people are messed up in their own right, and they’re the rogues in our storey. But perhaps they’re the superstar in somebody else’s. I don’t know. All I know, is that I don’t have my friend anymore and I think that sucks. But the information was the right thing to do; not chasing him down and evading him to be my friend. Because I craved him to be my friend for years. I digested him tearing down my attempts, my job, my busines, my success, for years. When I told him I wanted to be a public speaker, he honestly satirized me, and I really took it. This is a guy that never reinforced me has become a orator and a scribe. And it took years. You know, I know parties discover me now and they’re like,” You’ve got a podcast, and you’re successful, and you’re a talker .” Yeah, but for a decade, I wasn’t. For seven years I wasn’t. For many years I wrote free of charge on a weebly site.
Michelle:[ 00:23: 43] Ha-ha.
Gabe:[ 00:23: 42] And I was nothing. I was nobody. And then I’d get little, little successes in dribbles and drabs. Like, I’d get success. I get offered something, and I’d be so proud of it! Then nothing would happen for another nine months, and I concluded maybe nothing would ever happen. So, I just put up with him rupturing my occupation down for years, and there is a part of me that wonders why he pranced out of the car and ran away from me.
Michelle:[ 00:24: 11] I think that precisely testifies his issues.
Gabe:[ 00:24: 13] Well, sure. But-
Michelle:[ 00:24: 13] He didn’t want to even do existing conflicts at all. He probably knew that it was true. If it wasn’t true, he would have argued that it wasn’t true. But he knew it was true, so he ran away. He ran away from the truth. Doesn’t that prove it right there?
Gabe:[ 00:24: 26] Yeah, but he likewise ran away from me. Like, wasn’t I worth it?
Michelle:[ 00:24: 29] He was scared of you.
Gabe:[ 00:24: 31] But, of what?
Michelle:[ 00:24: 32] He was undoubtedly just scared of you.
Gabe:[ 00:24: 34] Listen, the only thing that needs to be scared of me-
Michelle:[ 00:24: 35] He ran away.
Gabe:[ 00:24: 36] -are french fries. Like, that’s it.
Michelle:[ 00:24: 38] He ran away from you because he was scared of you.
Gabe:[ 00:24: 41] Okay, what did he remember I was going to do to him?
Michelle:[ 00:24: 43] I don’t know. But he was scared of you because you were right.
Gabe:[ 00:24: 46] Intellectually, if personas were made, this is exactly what I’d be saying to you. But, you are familiar with, this is the thing that suctions. My mental health is better now that he’s not here. Because he was always a nagging, negative tone in my life. And there’s a good deal! Come on, Michelle, you and I do this work. People tell us all the time that we suck. They tell us all the time that we need to get real professions. That we need to stop it. That podcasts are for losers; blogging is stupid. We don’t get a lot of positive buttres. You know, our families, when we told them that we wanted to do this, they were like,” Oh my God…podcaster. That’s what I missed .”
Michelle:[ 00:25: 22] I loved it when my roommate’s lover said,” Does anyone actually listen to podcasts ?”
Gabe:[ 00:25: 30] Yeah. I remember when mortal said,” So how much coin do “were losing” per episode ?” I was like,” No we make money .” And they’re like, “Whatever.” They picture I’m lying. We have patronizes in place; we work really hard. We have a good public. I’m not saying that we’re rich off the podcast, but it’s a profitable organization. Michelle and I drive really, really hard. They think it’s a joke. They genuinely do. They still tease us. They have this idea that we’re sitting with our phones under a trailer entering these shows.
Michelle:[ 00:26: 00] Maybe we are.
Gabe:[ 00:26: 01] Maybe we are.
Michelle:[ 00:26: 02] Perhaps. We. Are.
Gabe:[ 00:26: 05] Michelle, it is always great hanging with you. Do we have any takeaway for our listeners? You and I both had toxic beings in “peoples lives”, and we are better off that they’re gone. But it clearly has so far been hurt us. You’re 30 years-old and you’re still pissed off at something that happened in high school. I’m a grown ass man and I’m still upset that somebody who did nothing but insult me went away. I represent, these are persisting upshots, but-
Michelle:[ 00:26: 29] I guess that means we just gotta learn how to let go.
Gabe:[ 00:26: 32] But, how?
Michelle:[ 00:26: 35] I don’t know. I guess somebody might say,” Why don’t you drink some tea ?”
Gabe:[ 00:26: 38] Drink some tea?
Michelle:[ 00:26: 39] Drink some tea with honey, sir. That’ll prepared all of your issues.
Gabe:[ 00:26: 43] Who would say that?
Michelle:[ 00:26: 45] Mortal in the comments.
Gabe:[ 00:26: 47] In specific comments? I told you, stop construe the comments! That is not the place to get mental health advice.
Michelle:[ 00:26: 57] We require an exorcism, Gabe.
Gabe:[ 00:26: 58] We require an exorcism?
Michelle:[ 00:27: 00] Yeah.
Gabe:[ 00:27: 00] That is another immense occasion that has happened to parties in local communities. Michelle, I do think that our our listeners, like us, are likely struggling with some relationships that are maybe not best available. And we need to set better frontiers, and some epoches I wish that our depict was, like, real therapy. Where we could tell people how to located better borders and how to not give people get to them. But, you know our our show is not practical suggestion. Our show is more like,” Hey we’ve been through it, and we endured it. And if you’re going through it, you are able to survive more .” But I bid we had that occult antidote. I wish that somebody listening right now, that has a pal that’s originating them feel bad, would be like,” Tell me what to do !” And we’d be like,” Do this !” And then they’d make love and their own lives would unexpectedly get better, but the world is just way too complicated.
Michelle:[ 00:27: 44] If someone is not generating exuberance to your life, they’re only returning negativity to your life, then- goodbye.
Gabe:[ 00:27: 52] Yeah, that is the sensible concept to do. Why do we hang on to these negative beings? I think it’s because we retain when they used to be positive. I do. I really do. It’s just like my friend. You’re like,” Why are you sad that he is gone ?” And I’m like,” Because I retain when he was good .” I retain when we were in high school, and he was my best and only friend. And that’s hard to get over. And it’s times like these that I remember that people can be two things. He can both be the asshole that I’m no longer friends with, and he can also be the chap that got me through my teen times. He was a good friend. He was a really, really good friend, right up until the time he wasn’t. And it’s hard that he fills both spaces in “peoples lives”. Because we think that beings have to be one thing, but people can be two things. I guess when I was in high school, “hes been” the protagonist. And when I was an adult, he was the villain.
Michelle:[ 00:28: 39] You can’t move forward when you’re stuck looking backwards.
Gabe:[ 00:28: 43] Now, now! Thank you, everybody, for carolling in. And remember, we need you to do the following happenings , not certainly in this fiat: 1) Return us a five whiz inspect on iTunes and leave a nice criticism. 2) Whenever you see this posted on Facebook or on Psych Central, leave a comment. Start a conversation. 3) Extend to store.PsychCentral.com and buy the official A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast t-shirt. It is the” Define Normal” t-shirt, and you can find it at store.PsychCentral.com. And, ultimately, don’t be afraid to drop us a line at register @PsychCentral. com, and we will see everybody next week. Thank you for agreeing, thank you for listening, and tell a friend.
Michelle:[ 00:29: 21] Hey, jealousy!
Narrator:[ 00:29: 21] You’ve been listening to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. If you cherish this escapades, don’t keep it to yourself! Leader over to iTunes or your well-liked podcast app to agree , pace, and refresh. To work with Gabe, go to GabeHoward.com. To work with Michelle, go to schizophrenic.NYC. For free mental health resources, and online support groups, brain over to PsychCentral.com. The show’s official web site is Psych Central.com/ BSP. You can e-mail us at depict @PsychCentral. com. Thank you for listening, and share widely.
Meet Your Bipolar and Schizophrenic Hosts
GABE HOWARD was formally diagnosed with bipolar and suspicion illness after being committed to a mental institution in 2003. Now in retrieval, Gabe is a pre-eminent mental health organizer and legion of the award-winning Psych Central Show podcast. He is also an award-winning scribe and loudspeaker, traveling nationally to share the jocular, hitherto educational, legend of his bipolar life. To work with Gabe, trip gabehoward.com.
MICHELLE HAMMER was officially diagnosed with schizophrenia at senility 22, but incorrectly diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18. Michelle is an award-winning mental health issues campaigner who has been featured in press throughout the world. In May 2015, Michelle founded the company Schizophrenic.NYC, a mental health clothe position, with the mission of reducing stigma by starting gossips about mental health. She is a firm believer that confidence can get you anywhere. To work with Michelle, stay Schizophrenic.NYC.
Read more: psychcentral.com
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