Saturday night again…no ones invited me one actually attends I approximate. I don’t have any friends that go out anyway…well atleast not with me. They don’t invite me out.

25 and still a loser I told me to myself. I’m in my apartment with the lamps off…Saturday light with no one around me to caring. I haven’t eaten properly today either. Shit food on the kitchen table…

I keep asking myself how long will this last…feel like times I’ve been batteling loneliness and its merely continues to deteriorate.

I hate the fact my Saturdays are just at home with family. Mum watching TV dad arguing. My brother doing something else. I feel so trapped and suffocated…

God I care I really had a normal life, I please I was a more than I am right now. Just crying in my apartment like the loser I am. I don’t crave any sympathy either.

I keep asking myself why am I like this. Is it me that pushes everyone away, am I that werid of a human being that no one certainly requires me around.

If that’s the speciman why do I live anymore…why hassle with this pent up anger towards the world. God I fucking hate it and what it’s made me through. I do want to die and I can’t facilitate but feeling that. I dont want to be here anymore with my “family” or my “friends”.

I don’t even have memories with friends. Never been invited to a squad or prohibit. Actually that’s a lie. When I went to see a disallow the friend said he was tired and wanted to go home after 1 imbibe. The other epoch I moved clubbing, I danced by myself and left because I wasn’t me.

I look around and understand( social media) beings go out…there’s me .. sitting in the dark…with no sunlights on. Dad is asleep. Mum watching shitty Indian movies. I recollected I wanted to be more than this. But this is my life at the moment. I is currently working. Go gym and sleep.

I fucking hate my life … and I dont want to be here anymore.

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