Over the last few days, in the aftermath of Kobe Bryant’s tragic demise, a hit time has been stimulating the rounds. It boasts an ESPN anchor losing her composure while relating a conference she had with the NBA legend about his persona as a parent to three daughters( he hadn’t yet had his fourth ).
The popular, and polarizing, musician gushed about how much he affection has become a” daughter dad ,” and after her legend went viral, fathers and daughters everywhere burst about their own rapports, working the # girldad hashtag. It’s been trending for days.
You know what you don’t see? The expression #boydad trending. As if there’s nothing special, or challenging, about the leader/ son relationship.
But there is.
I want to make it clear that I imply no disrespect to any daughter pas- one of my brothers has two daughters of his own- or to Kobe Bryant himself. By all histories, Kobe was an employed, involved, and affection papa to his four daughters, and it’s always enormous to see people step into the parenting thing with their entire souls, regardless of the gender of their kids.
I’m actually on the record as having missed a girl. There’s a lot of value in the father/ daughter affinity- something I inherently understood before even having babies- and I wanted that extremely. Now that I have two sons- and no daughters( no, I won’t be trying for one, so save it !)- I understand that the father-god/ lad affair is just as meaningful.
After her” Girl Dad” article taken away from, Elle Duncan, the ESPN anchor, followed it up on Twitter, saying( emphasis mine ):
” Please if you’re feeling any kind of way, move through this feed and look at all these PROUD # girldad’ s .. this is trending nationwide because there’s no greater or more significant relationship than that of a pa and his daughter( s) .. i hope it informalities your off-colors .”
I could give her the benefit of the doubt and presume she represents all parenting relationships are equal and nothing are” greater or more significant” than the others, but I’m pretty sure that’s not what she symbolizes. I ain’t mad about it. I just wonder why the father/ daughter attachment– and the “boy mom” alliance, which was a hashtag of its own long before the Kobe tragedy- is prized more most. More immediately, I wonder why the father/ son attachment isn’t.
Just take a look at your institution docket. I pot there’s a father/ daughter dance. But where’s the ardour for the #boydad relation?
The father/ lad pairing- and the mother/ daughter pairing as well- simply isn’t talked about or promoted the same way as those opposite gender duos are. Does the fact that we have the same chromosomes somehow compile our joining less profound?
Do people presume there’s no degree of rigor to parenting someone who will, in most cases, follow in the same physiological footsteps as you did? Is it somehow more noble, or transformative, for the stereotypical person who’s spent his life pursuing girls to have to learn to raise one of his own, as opposed to that guy having to teach a son to have empathy and respect for the opposite sex?
Maybe parties considered that causing a mini-me is stress-free, that there’s no inherent conflict when a mama promotes a girl, or a dad has a son. Please stop by my target for coffee and allow me to correct that preposterou belief because thinking you me, there’s plenty in conflict situations there.( Precisely ask my wife- formerly the screaming stops .)
Every gender presents its own parenting challenges, for moms and daddies, and every liaison is meaningful, even ones that may seem easier to steer. Sure, I may be better equipped to inform my lads about their genitals than my wife is, and my sister-in-law will probably have an easier duration illustrating intervals and tampons to my nieces than my brother would, but as harrowing as those discussions may be, it’s small potatoes.
Raising children isn’t merely about the mechanics of physical universe, it’s about read how to live alongside other parties in ways that transcend superficial aspects of anatomy and biology. There are a million ways to be there for your girls, for your lads and your daughters, that aren’t specific to either of your genders.
Again, I’m not throwing subtlety on the #girldad phenomenon. I long wished I could be a part of it, and I think it’s great to celebrate that relationship. But we should be celebrating all of them, because each parent/ child relationship is meaningful in its own way.
The love I feel for my lads isn’t any less than the affection my brother has for his daughters. My bond with my sons, while different, is no less special, and heightening sons is no less challenging or honoring than it would be for me to raise a little girl.
I don’t need a hashtag to be reminded of that. But some people might.
Read more: dadandburied.com